Dream me a dream

Lately I have been having strange dreams. I wake up in the middle of the night and have to take a moment to get my bearings back in reality. Some of these dreams have been nightmares and I wake up with my heart pounding and a cold sweat across my forehead. Others have been glimpses into the past or future what-ifs that I wish were real. Sometimes they are filled with people I miss so much my heart hurts, other times they are filled with people I have never met before. Sometimes I remember the details when I awake, other times I only remember the feelings.

The dreams I have had lately have got me thinking: What are dreams? There are a million different explanations and even more interpretations. Sometimes when I Google what I remember of my dreams, the explanations I find make sense. Other times they are so off base I spend hours laughing about them.

For a few months I had dreams of monsters and scary things chasing me. It always started the same but the endings were drastically different. Sometimes I died horrific deaths-falling off buildings, getting speared by monsters, and burning in the sunlight are a few I remember. Other times I made it to the safe zone or the finish line and lived to dream another dream. After having the dream multiple times I decided to turn to one of the many online dream interpreters and this was my answer:

To dream that you are being chased represents issues or situations that you are avoiding facing, or confronting. Something you may feel is impossible to overcome or defeat. It may also reflect something you don't want to acknowledge. You may have anxiety, strong fears, insecurities, or guilt. 

At that moment in my life, I was avoiding a major situation in my life and running away from dealing with it. My dreams might have led me to admitting this and I was able to confront my issue. I probably would have figured it out eventually, but the dreams definitely helped.

So what are dreams? According to the world:

I'm not really sure what the point of this entry was, just my thoughts on the subject. Thus far I don't really have an answer. 

Tinder is sketch!

Since everyone is on Tinder it seems like everyone has a Tinder story. I have to say I think mine is one of the best/worst I've heard to date. It may seem like I am making this up, but all of this really happened. 

Once upon a time, I swiped right on a guy I'd had a class with at Utah State. It was a business class and we had spent most of the semester hanging out 3 days a week in a group project. We will call him "Ben" (name changed to protect the douche...not sure he deserves this but I am trying to be a better person-see previous blog post). He was really handsome and had always been flirty with me and the other girl in our group. Tinder immediately let me know that we had been matched and I was excited to see our attraction had been mutual. We started chatting and he asked me if I still had the same number. When I confirmed this he said he would text me so we could hang out. Usually I am pretty reluctant about meeting up with someone so soon, but since we were already friends I figured it would be safe. 

A few days later Ben texted me and asked if I could hang out. It was pretty late and I was kind of tired so I declined. We texted back and forth over the next few days, just friendly conversation, and I was kind of getting excited to go and hang out with him. He is a funny guy and he is very good looking which are positives for sure. We made plans and then cancelled them a few times, Ben went to bed even earlier than I did.We finally agreed upon a day when we could get together and decided to meet up after Ben had gone to the gym the next day. Before going to bed, out of nowhere, Ben sent me a picture of his abs with the caption of "this is what you can look forward to". In retrospect, that should have been warning sign number one. Don't get me wrong, they were nice abs, but unsolicited muscle pictures scream douchebag/action-hungry/manwhore, none of which are positives.

When I woke up the next morning I realized I was apprehensive about meeting him that night. I knew this guy from school but he hadn't been behaving quite like I remember him and the abs picture kinda threw me. I decided to go and get advice from a married guy friend name Jaren. Jaren is an excellent friend and typically gives great male advice, plus I hadn't seen him and his wife Ashley for quite a while and a visit was overdue. I figured I would hang out with them and get some advice on the situation until Ben was ready to meet up after the gym. When I walked into the house, the third member of their household was just getting ready to leave. Kels is Ashley's best friend and is living with them for the next little while. I've known her for a couple of years now and she is a gem. We get along really well but I hadn't seen her for a long time. After hugging her and asking how she'd been, I noticed that she was all dressed up. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: Kels, you are looking hot girl! What are you all dressed up for, and more importantly who!

Kels: I actually have a date tonight. He's really attractive and I'm way excited! I met him yesterday and we are going out tonight.

Me: Good for your girl. I wanna see a picture of this guy! What's his name, how did you meet him, what does he look like?

Kels: I will show you a picture of him. What are you up to tonight?

Me: Well I'm here to get some guy advice from Jaren and see Ashley. Then I'm probably going to meet up with the guy I'm getting advice about.

Kels: Well I wanna see a picture of your guy too! What's his name, how did you meet him, what does he look like?

Me: I knew this guy from school, but just reconnected with him on Tinder. His name is Ben. 

Kels: That's crazy, I met my guy on Tinder too. And his name is Benjamin, he's from Idaho. He only goes by Benjamin tho, never Ben. 

Me: Woah that is crazy. Tinder is crazy.

While we are having this conversation we are both looking through our phones trying to find a picture of these guys. I was lazy and didn't log in to Tinder, just pulled up the abs picture that was in my texts. I laughingly showed it to her and said "This is why I'm here to talk to Jaren, this showed up on my phone last night out of nowhere."

Instead of laughing, Kels got a weird look on her face and asked to see the picture again. She handed me her phone and showed me a picture of Benjamin. He was covered in a baseball cap and a baggy sweatshirt so I couldn't quite see his face. After studying the abs picture for a minute, she asked for her phone back. After a few finger swipes, she pulled up the exact same picture on her phone. It was the same guy and he had scheduled to meet up with us both on the same night at the same time.

After our initial shock wore off and we compared phone numbers to make absolutely sure it was the same guy, we started comparing facts. Ben was supposed to text me after he got done at the gym. Benjamin was going to meet Kelsey at the bar after he was done at the gym. Ben had told me he was going to bed early the night before, when in fact Benjamin had hung out with Kelsey for the first time. 

We decided to play it out a little longer and see what he was planning on doing. About an hour later, my phone lit up with a text that said "I'm done at the gym, lets meet up". A few minutes later, Kels' phone lit up with a text that said "I'm sorry my brother just got stuck up the canyon and I need to go and get him, I'm going to have to cancel on you." I have always wondered what guys are really doing when they cancel on us last minute, now I know what the means ones are doing. There was no way I was going to meet up with this guy after that. My grandpa always tells me my standards are too high, but really- who wants to spend time with a guy who double books women?

Okay, I know that people are always dating more than one person if they're not in a relationship. The issue here is not that he was spending time with both of us. The issue was that he was sending the same photos and scheduling meetups at the same time!! Needless to say, Jaren's advice/input was no longer necessary. We decided the best way to let him know we caught him at his game was to send a picture of Kels and I together. I don't plan on hanging out with or speaking to this individual again... players play the game but when they get caught they lose.

Kels me and Ash

Main points of the story: 1. Ladies be careful on Tinder, there are creeps out there. 2. MEN: If you're going to be after more than 1 girl at a time, make sure they aren't friends. 3. Also, don't schedule dates at the same time and cancel on the one you don't feel like hanging out with at the last minute.Have some class.

Tinder is a sketchy place. I plan on being even more cautious going forward. I also fully believe I will have to find someone to date another way. Maybe I'll find a guy in the produce section of the grocery story like Addison Montgomery, or get set up by someone's grandmother like the friend in Hitch. Who knows at this point. Wish me luck.

I decided to resurrect the blog. I have a lot of thoughts flowing around in my head and I think I'd like to send them out to the universe. 

Growing up is hard. No one tells you all the things that come with being an adult-you have bills that have to be paid (okay I don't have a ton of those yet, but I am looking to the future), you lose friends (probably one of the hardest things I have gone through in my life to this date), you go to bed early because you have to get up early (yeah I still miss Jimmy Fallon's show every night and he even moved up an hour), and you have a real life grown up 9-5 job with no foreseeable quit date (that was a scary one for me!!). I sometimes wish someone would have told me to enjoy the moment, have fun when life isn't handing you responsibilities. Maybe they did tell me that, but I wasn't listening. 

Now I'm not saying that my life is all work and sadness, I have a lot of good things going for me: My family is awesome- I have 6 best friends that I get to hang out with every day and we get along 99.394823% of the time. I have been working that grown up job for about 4 months and I most days enjoy it. I have the coolest co-worker and I get to hang out with her all day (she also happens to be my mom, I lucked out and got a job in the same office as her)! I definitely enjoy the paycheck :) I am going on my first trip across the ocean to Europe in May thanks to said paycheck, I am very excited. (74 days until I go, but who's counting??) I am a more mature, level headed female than I was a couple of years ago (note to people I offended/hurt/saddened/angered: I am sorry, I think I learned from it and I plan on being a better person every day), and I think I'm a much better member of society as a whole (for example: I most recently attended my first city council meeting. I was bored to tears but attending is the first step, right?)

To sum it up, I think I might be a grown up now. This is scary and awesome and kind of weird. I am hoping I can keep track of my life experiences and only show improvements from here on out!